Understanding and Managing Triggers
You're at a family gathering when someone makes an offhand comment, and suddenly your heart is racing, your jaw clenches, and you feel an overwhelming urge to leave or lash out. The intensity of your reaction surprises even you—it seems far bigger than the situation warrants. You've just experienced a trigger, and understanding what happened can help you navigate future moments with more awareness and control.
What Is A Trigger?
A trigger isn't simply being upset or annoyed. It's a subconscious response where something in your present environment—a comment, situation, smell, or even a specific tone of voice—rapidly connects to past pain or trauma, causing an outsized emotional reaction. Your nervous system perceives a threat and responds as if you're back in that original painful moment, even when you're objectively safe now. The holidays create perfect conditions for triggers to surface. Family dynamics often replay old patterns, with people falling into familiar roles that may have felt painful or limiting in childhood. Financial stress intensifies when gift-giving expectations clash with budget realities. The pressure to feel joyful when you're grieving or struggling can itself become triggering.
Recognizing HALT
Specific traditions might carry memories of loss or past trauma. Even the forced closeness of holiday gatherings can trigger those who need more space and autonomy. Understanding the HALT principle can help you recognize when you're more vulnerable to being triggered. When you're Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT), your emotional reserves are depleted and your nervous system is already on edge. In this state, things that might normally roll off your back can feel unbearable. This is why family dinners after hours of cooking, late-night gatherings when you're exhausted, too much alcohol or sugary foods, or events during stressful times hit differently. Your body often signals that you're being triggered before your mind catches up. Physical cues include tightness in your chest or difficulty breathing, a clenched jaw or tense shoulders, stomach upset or nausea, racing heart, or feeling suddenly hot or cold. Emotional cues might be sudden overwhelming feelings—panic, rage, or despair—that don't match the current situation, feeling detached or "outside yourself," strong urges to flee or lash out, or shutting down emotionally.
Managing Triggers
The key to managing triggers begins with identifying your personal patterns. What people, topics, or situations repeatedly cause intense reactions? For some, it's criticism about life choices. For others, it's questions about relationships, career, or children. Maybe it's a certain family member's drinking, political arguments, or comments about your appearance. Knowing your triggers allows you to prepare:
Setting boundaries becomes crucial once you know what triggers you.
You have permission to politely decline invitations to events that consistently drain you.
You can limit time with difficult people, change the subject when conversations head toward triggering topics, or leave gatherings when you need to.
Boundaries aren't walls built from anger—they're acts of self-care that protect your well-being.
Planning ahead reduces the chance of being caught off-guard.
If you know you'll be in a stressful situation, schedule quiet time before and after.
Pack something calming—a favorite playlist, a grounding object, or emergency contact numbers for support.
Arrange a signal with a trusted person so they can help you exit gracefully if needed.
Having a plan creates a sense of safety. When you feel triggered in the moment, pause and breathe. This isn't just a cliché—slow, deep breaths actually calm your nervous system and create space between stimulus and response. Ground yourself by focusing on your immediate surroundings using your senses. Remind yourself where you are now and that you're safe. The past may echo in your present, but it's not happening now.
Finding Those Positive Moments
Finding "glimmers"—small positive moments—can help reset your nervous system. A glimpse of holiday lights, a kind word from someone, the taste of something delicious. These tiny moments of safety and pleasure counterbalance the activation of triggers. If triggers are significantly impacting your ability to function or enjoy life, professional support can make a profound difference. Trauma-informed therapists can help you process past experiences and develop stronger coping strategies. Approaches like EMDR and CBT have proven particularly effective for healing trauma and reducing trigger responses. You deserve to move through the holidays without being hijacked by your nervous system. Understanding triggers is the first step toward managing them.
If holiday triggers are overwhelming you, trauma-informed therapy can help. Our experienced therapists specialize in approaches like EMDR, CBT, and ART to help you heal from past experiences and develop effective coping strategies. Contact Us today to begin your healing journey.